For the last several months, I’ve been working with two non-profits in Portland, helping them with their social media. It’s been nice to be back to work (since it’s something I truly enjoy) and I’ve been able to work from home for less than 20 hours a week. I had made the decision not to apply for any full-time positions at this point because I was a little uncertain about whether it would be to much too soon.

A couple weeks ago, I was contacted by someone who found me on LinkedIn and thought I’d be a good fit for a job he was hiring for. The interview went very well and last week, I was offered the position. It’s an incredible opportunity, doing exactly what I love for a cause I truly believe in. What could be better?

Problem is that in the last week, I’ve had a set back with my health and it’s become clear to me there’s no way I can honestly commit to anything more at this time. I’m barely staying on top of the work I already have. Therefore, I declined the position. It was SO difficult. It was perfect, but I had to let it go.

The truth is, the last thing I wanted to do was commit to something and then not be able to live up to my commitment. That would be the worst. Above all else I pride myself on being a woman of my word. It’s important to me that others know that I am dependable. That’s partly why last spring was such a nightmare. As my health worsened, I was falling short of my responsibilities at work, which was the biggest frustration of all. Not being in control of my body is so challenging. I didn’t want to repeat that, so I had to decline to this opportunity.

I’ll have to trust that there will be more opportunities once I’m well enough to fully commit to something. For now, the good news is that I am recovering. It’s just not on my timeline, so I wait. And wait. Sometimes it seems like I’m waiting forever.